im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
