I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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