sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
