I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
