so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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