Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
