Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
