I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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