he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
