he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
