You just made me feel so damn special
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
