i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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