I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
