I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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