So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
