brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
