I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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