Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
