Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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