great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
