Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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