Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My feet surprised me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
