So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
