Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
