Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
