since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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