He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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