I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
