I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
