He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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