I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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