Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
