Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
