the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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