I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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