...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
