Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
