was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
