She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Im part way to drunk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
