On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
