just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
