What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
