I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
