Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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