Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
