apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
