She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
