sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
