my sisters under your porch take her home
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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