Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
