Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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